Intro
How does one maintain a healthy relationship with their sibling or siblings? How do we avoid hurtful comments, jealousy issues, and deception in those relationships? In this chapter, we are given pathways to follow in order to stay close to those very important people in our lives: our siblings.
Aaron Ben-Zeév Ph.D
In the Name of Love
According to Ben-Zeév, love is a close and intense relationship. When we love people, such as sibling, we want to be loved in return. Therefore, when we say or receive hurtful messages, it is hard to keep the relationship happy and strong. Our relationships with our loved ones are such major sources of happiness, so KEEP THEM POSITIVE AND HEALTHY.
Part 1- Hurt Feelings in Relationships
“It is one of life’s most terrible ironies
that betrayal can be as connective as
love” -(Close Encounters: Communication
in Relationships, Fourth Edition)
Within sibling relationships, it is inevitable hurt feelings will happen. Hurtful comments, such as comments that may devalue the person, can cause relational transgressions. For example, if your sibling tells you they think you are stupid for not knowing how to spell a word, your confidence in yourself and your value of yourself at the individual level may decrease. Devaluation and relational transgressions all can cause irreparable harm to a relationship. In order to keep the relationship between you and your siblings strong and healthy, hurtful comments or messages must be avoided. Instead of devaluating them if they mess up, work on ways they can better their mistakes in a positive manner. To go back to the example, instead of telling your sibling that he/she is dumb for incorrectly spelling words (which can later cause relationship problems and hurt feelings), practice with them and teach them how to spell it without ridicule or anger. Practice makes perfect and we must all learn at some point. Our siblings are there for us to help us learn and become better versions of ourselves, not to say hurtful comments.
Part 2- Deception
Deception is a type of hurtful message. Deception, in simple terms, is lying. It not only can lead to feelings of uncertainty, distrust, or betrayal, but can cause major problems in relationships, especially between siblings. Being truthful is a basic component of keeping a healthy relationship with our siblings. If we lie to them, we can lose their trust. By losing our siblings trust, a whole array of problems can follow. Not only will our time being spent with them be uncomfortable, but it will not allow for productive conversations. Deception can be done simply by avoiding telling your siblings things that have happened. For example, if you avoided telling your brother that you stole his equipment and he later found out it was you, it can cause either, fights, anger, or a strong disconnect between you and him. In order to fully maintain relationships with siblings, you must first and foremost be truthful. They are the ones that are there for you and who you are growing up with. Do not avoid telling them important information. The best relationships are kept by not only telling the truth to each other, but being vocal and saying everything you have to say to them, rather then hiding information from them. It will keep your relationships with your siblings strong, and allow for it to stay strong over time.
Anna Almendrala- Huffington Post
According to Anna, a basic type of aggression, known as non direct aggression, is when we hurt the ones we love without a confrontation. An example of this could be hurting your siblings by not telling them anything. Instead of communicating the problem, you avoided it with your siblings, and therefore hurt the relationship more. We must avoid not telling our sibling information that is key to the relationship.
Part 3- Jealousy
“Jealousy is
just a sign that you
really
love the person”
Jealousy is a very hard part of being in a relationship with someone. With siblings, we see jealousy in a few major forms. When there is a big family with multiple kids, jealousy can be seen as certain kids liking other siblings more. This can cause fights and a disconnect between certain siblings. Also, if we see that siblings are rather close, if one of them ventures off and starts hanging with a certain friend more, it can cause the sibling to be jealous because that time is being spent without them. In order to manage jealousy within relationships, we must first realize why they are being jealous. The best jealousy quote says that “Jealousy is just a sign that you really love the person” -Jess C. Scott. Siblings may be jealous of the friends their brother/sisters make because it takes away time that they could be with them. In order to avoid a substantial amount of jealousy, time management is key in these relationships. Managing your time so that you can spend it with each sibling as much as you can (and as equally as possible) can decrease tensions. Also, realizing that you may spend time with friends as much as you want, as long as you still are making time to hangout with your siblings is key. It has proved to keep sibling relationships strong, and has allowed for happier, more positive relationships.
Part 4- Relational Violence
Relational Violence between siblings can come in two forms. Physical violence is where one sibling physically hurts another. Around 36% of siblings report engaging in moderately-severe physical violence during childhood and adolescence. Physical violence can degrade and cause many problems in a relationship. When siblings fight, most of the time, they seem to come to an understanding, especially if they are young. However, is the fighting continues and they are not being resolved, they can have serious affects on the relationship. It can not only cause siblings to stop communicating, but also can stop them from seeing each other all together. Another form of violence is verbal violence. We see this in sibling settings as well. If compromises, apologies, or certain actions aren’t taken, verbal violence can have an affect similar to physical violence. It can cause siblings to have negative relationships. Fighting, especially when we are young is going to happen with our siblings. We may not always get along, but in order to keep our relationships healthy, we must learn to come to agreements. Physical fighting with your siblings is never okay. Avoid this at all costs, and it can have very positive affects on relationships. Instead, calmly talk over the situation at hand and work on ways that can benefit both parties. In terms of verbal violence and hurtful messages, we need to minimize this. Instead of getting your point across in a rude, harmful manner, calmly explain why it is that you are upset or angry with them and come to an agreement. Apologizing always can help alleviate e problems. Apologizing, and accepting apologies during fights with our siblings can make for better, happier, and more positive relationships.
Glenn T. Stanton
According to Glenn Stanton, a Thriving Family Writer, wrote that “What we are at home, is what we are indeed”. Why do we yell and hit our siblings, but would never do this in public to our co-workers? She explains that life is a big transformation. Home is where we are with the people we are most comfortable with, and thats why we act like ourselves. This isn’t to say that our real selves are ONLY aggressive, mean individuals, but rather, that we are people who tend to be most honest when at home with our loved ones. Our home is where comfort is, and therefore, is where we should learn to get along and act positively with our actions, especially towards our siblings.
How does one maintain a healthy relationship with their sibling or siblings? How do we avoid hurtful comments, jealousy issues, and deception in those relationships? In this chapter, we are given pathways to follow in order to stay close to those very important people in our lives: our siblings.
Aaron Ben-Zeév Ph.D
In the Name of Love
According to Ben-Zeév, love is a close and intense relationship. When we love people, such as sibling, we want to be loved in return. Therefore, when we say or receive hurtful messages, it is hard to keep the relationship happy and strong. Our relationships with our loved ones are such major sources of happiness, so KEEP THEM POSITIVE AND HEALTHY.
Part 1- Hurt Feelings in Relationships
“It is one of life’s most terrible ironies
that betrayal can be as connective as
love” -(Close Encounters: Communication
in Relationships, Fourth Edition)
Within sibling relationships, it is inevitable hurt feelings will happen. Hurtful comments, such as comments that may devalue the person, can cause relational transgressions. For example, if your sibling tells you they think you are stupid for not knowing how to spell a word, your confidence in yourself and your value of yourself at the individual level may decrease. Devaluation and relational transgressions all can cause irreparable harm to a relationship. In order to keep the relationship between you and your siblings strong and healthy, hurtful comments or messages must be avoided. Instead of devaluating them if they mess up, work on ways they can better their mistakes in a positive manner. To go back to the example, instead of telling your sibling that he/she is dumb for incorrectly spelling words (which can later cause relationship problems and hurt feelings), practice with them and teach them how to spell it without ridicule or anger. Practice makes perfect and we must all learn at some point. Our siblings are there for us to help us learn and become better versions of ourselves, not to say hurtful comments.
Part 2- Deception
Deception is a type of hurtful message. Deception, in simple terms, is lying. It not only can lead to feelings of uncertainty, distrust, or betrayal, but can cause major problems in relationships, especially between siblings. Being truthful is a basic component of keeping a healthy relationship with our siblings. If we lie to them, we can lose their trust. By losing our siblings trust, a whole array of problems can follow. Not only will our time being spent with them be uncomfortable, but it will not allow for productive conversations. Deception can be done simply by avoiding telling your siblings things that have happened. For example, if you avoided telling your brother that you stole his equipment and he later found out it was you, it can cause either, fights, anger, or a strong disconnect between you and him. In order to fully maintain relationships with siblings, you must first and foremost be truthful. They are the ones that are there for you and who you are growing up with. Do not avoid telling them important information. The best relationships are kept by not only telling the truth to each other, but being vocal and saying everything you have to say to them, rather then hiding information from them. It will keep your relationships with your siblings strong, and allow for it to stay strong over time.
Anna Almendrala- Huffington Post
According to Anna, a basic type of aggression, known as non direct aggression, is when we hurt the ones we love without a confrontation. An example of this could be hurting your siblings by not telling them anything. Instead of communicating the problem, you avoided it with your siblings, and therefore hurt the relationship more. We must avoid not telling our sibling information that is key to the relationship.
Part 3- Jealousy
“Jealousy is
just a sign that you
really
love the person”
Jealousy is a very hard part of being in a relationship with someone. With siblings, we see jealousy in a few major forms. When there is a big family with multiple kids, jealousy can be seen as certain kids liking other siblings more. This can cause fights and a disconnect between certain siblings. Also, if we see that siblings are rather close, if one of them ventures off and starts hanging with a certain friend more, it can cause the sibling to be jealous because that time is being spent without them. In order to manage jealousy within relationships, we must first realize why they are being jealous. The best jealousy quote says that “Jealousy is just a sign that you really love the person” -Jess C. Scott. Siblings may be jealous of the friends their brother/sisters make because it takes away time that they could be with them. In order to avoid a substantial amount of jealousy, time management is key in these relationships. Managing your time so that you can spend it with each sibling as much as you can (and as equally as possible) can decrease tensions. Also, realizing that you may spend time with friends as much as you want, as long as you still are making time to hangout with your siblings is key. It has proved to keep sibling relationships strong, and has allowed for happier, more positive relationships.
Part 4- Relational Violence
Relational Violence between siblings can come in two forms. Physical violence is where one sibling physically hurts another. Around 36% of siblings report engaging in moderately-severe physical violence during childhood and adolescence. Physical violence can degrade and cause many problems in a relationship. When siblings fight, most of the time, they seem to come to an understanding, especially if they are young. However, is the fighting continues and they are not being resolved, they can have serious affects on the relationship. It can not only cause siblings to stop communicating, but also can stop them from seeing each other all together. Another form of violence is verbal violence. We see this in sibling settings as well. If compromises, apologies, or certain actions aren’t taken, verbal violence can have an affect similar to physical violence. It can cause siblings to have negative relationships. Fighting, especially when we are young is going to happen with our siblings. We may not always get along, but in order to keep our relationships healthy, we must learn to come to agreements. Physical fighting with your siblings is never okay. Avoid this at all costs, and it can have very positive affects on relationships. Instead, calmly talk over the situation at hand and work on ways that can benefit both parties. In terms of verbal violence and hurtful messages, we need to minimize this. Instead of getting your point across in a rude, harmful manner, calmly explain why it is that you are upset or angry with them and come to an agreement. Apologizing always can help alleviate e problems. Apologizing, and accepting apologies during fights with our siblings can make for better, happier, and more positive relationships.
Glenn T. Stanton
According to Glenn Stanton, a Thriving Family Writer, wrote that “What we are at home, is what we are indeed”. Why do we yell and hit our siblings, but would never do this in public to our co-workers? She explains that life is a big transformation. Home is where we are with the people we are most comfortable with, and thats why we act like ourselves. This isn’t to say that our real selves are ONLY aggressive, mean individuals, but rather, that we are people who tend to be most honest when at home with our loved ones. Our home is where comfort is, and therefore, is where we should learn to get along and act positively with our actions, especially towards our siblings.
Conclusion-
The relationships we have with our siblings are some of the best, most powerful relationships. That is why we must treasure and take care of them. By saying hurtful comments, lying, creating jealousy, and using violence, we are destroying those relationships we value most. Instead, avoid using hurtful comments that may lead to hurtful feelings. Be truthful with what you say and do and avoid not communicating with your siblings. Manage your time and make sure adequate time is spent not only with friends, but your siblings as well. And finally, talk through issues and fights that may come up, rather than using physical or verbal violence toward your siblings. By doing so, we can keep our relationships with our siblings healthy and happy.
The relationships we have with our siblings are some of the best, most powerful relationships. That is why we must treasure and take care of them. By saying hurtful comments, lying, creating jealousy, and using violence, we are destroying those relationships we value most. Instead, avoid using hurtful comments that may lead to hurtful feelings. Be truthful with what you say and do and avoid not communicating with your siblings. Manage your time and make sure adequate time is spent not only with friends, but your siblings as well. And finally, talk through issues and fights that may come up, rather than using physical or verbal violence toward your siblings. By doing so, we can keep our relationships with our siblings healthy and happy.
Chapter Review Q’s:
1- How can devaluation ruin sibling relationships?
2- What are two ways that siblings can become jealous?
3-Define Deception.
4-What are two types of relational violence?
5- List 3 tips that can help to keep sibling relationships strong based off of the reading.